November, 2012

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Posted by: | Posted on: November 4, 2012

Self Soothing

In this world, its not education that matters, nor people…its comfort with oneself.

One of the traits of giftedness is perfectionism.  Thus, my daughter is never satisfied with her self.  I tried to change the curriculum.  I tried to change her habits.  I tried to change myself.  Nothing worked, and I would see daily spirals downward.  What I saw that scared me most, was that I saw myself in her.

I used to blame my mom for the fact that she was never satisfied with what I did.  I never impressed her.  I used to blame my dad…his nonchalance meant that I could never impress him.  The truth that I have come to know….quite recently…was that I was never satisfied with myself.  I never performed to the top of my ability, and I knew it.  I was afraid of reaching a limit…and so I never wanted to try…yet I was always disappointed with my efforts.

Now I see my little one throwing a temper tantrum about a letter A.  It didn’t look good enough.  I can’t tell her that she is good enough…because she could never hear it. What did I need?  I needed to believe that I was good enough for myself.  So, I needed to coach her to deal with her own big emotions…and still love herself.

For myself, I could make a paradigm shift. Yet, I some how had to coach that.  Before I figure out how to do this, I need to explode my own personal limiting belief of not being good enough….not a good enough mom.

Lets see:

I am her ONLY mom.

Not only that, I was a gifted little girl

….and she has my genetics.

So I tell her: You are good enough.  But that A isn’t good enough….not for you.  You know you can do better, and you know how, right?  Yes, thats right…by practice. Keep practicing, and that A will be better…and then it’ll be good enough for you to be happy with your own A. Because I needed pushing…I needed to know that even if my work was good enough for others…I may need to push a little more for it to be my best…for it to be good for me.  I needed to keep going.  To go past the storm of emotion that makes me want to stop….because it is in the going past it that I come to love myself. I am the ALL TIME best person to be her emotional coach.  I’m chosen. I’m her mom.

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